Serenity

Serenity is derived from the Latin word serenus, which means calm, clear.

How do I become more serene and free of fear?

It is extremely helpful to realize that, fortunately, we are not machines or robots where you just have to press certain buttons and everything is different.

We are often trapped inside and have been living in habitual ruts for a long time, even if they are no longer beneficial to us and undermine our joy of life.

Two steps are particularly effective if you want to practice more serenity in yourself:

1.) As paradoxical as it sounds: Stop fighting!

Accepting things exactly as they are and even welcoming them for what they are RIGHT NOW, even if they are painful, unpleasant or difficult. And yes, your mind will probably resist a lot.

2.) An often very illuminating guiding question that you can ask yourself again and again is: What – or rather what feelings – lie below my fear?

Feelings want to be felt – if they are not (or have not been for a long time), then they take on a life of their own, underground.

Our malaise becomes more and more diffuse and the temptation to distract ourselves increases.

How do I achieve calmness and serenity?

Serenity – or as the Chinese writer Lin Yutang put it, cheerful serenity – can be a kind of underlying current that is present even when you anger, sadness, joy or whatever is happening on top of it.

A nice image for this may be the sea, which is completely calm from a certain depth, while on the surface there may be a storm with high waves raging.

It is about our “being”, being here, being awake, not there or in the past or in a desired or dreaded future.

Can serenity be learned?

Yes, absolutely – but it requires courage and the will to turn inward.
And it’s not so much a matter of learning than rather a matter of unlearning – unlearning everything that has hindered us so far.

In addition to the above points, the following five invitations from Frank Ostaseski from his book
“The five invitations” are very helpful:

1.) Don’t wait
Marc Twain once put it succinctly when he said, “The two most important days of life are first, the day we are born and second, the day we realize that we [at least here and now] have only this one life.”

So it’s worth facing things, despite all the “pulling” towards delays and distractions.

2.) Welcome everything
It is absolute nonsense that there are “negative emotions”, even if this is conveyed and has been taught to us for a long time. Of course this does not mean to act out and attack others in order to calm our anger.
Every emotion and feeling has its purpose – their suppression (for whatever reason) – that is, depression (!) – leads to them having a very detrimental effect on our quality of life.

3.) Go ‘all in’ on the experience
It’s simply a matter of really looking at and feeling the feeling, not acting out every feeling and certainly not projecting it (a circumstance or a person is “to blame” for one’s own state). To dive completely into the experience means to engage with it and take full responsibility for oneself.

4.) Find a place of calm in the midst of the chaos
Where is the place where you can best recharge your batteries?

This can be a familiar place or it can arise in your imagination.

The next step is to see and feel yourself in this place – this is how an inner oasis of calm is created and true inward serenity becomes possible, no matter what is going on around you.

5.) Practice the art of not knowing
The mind is constantly trying to convince you of some story, judgment or interpretation and produces one chain of thoughts after the other – it is important not to believe it.

Healthy sense of doubt helps enormously here, and the fundamental attitude should be the following:
Ultimately, I don’t know what is real.

How does serenity show itself?

When someone makes themselves less and less dependent on external things and has consistently “worked through” and looked at the things that triggered them based on their  own respective history ,
then the resulting inner balance literally radiates. And someone like that can hardly be “shaken” by external influences.

The feeling of serenity may be noticeable much earlier – there is simply lesser and lesser drama.

What promotes serenity?

Following the above five invitations is a very promising path.

And, by the way, there are always two things at the same time that further pave the way:

The total acceptance of what is NOW – so it is less something to do and more something to let happen. And secondly, at the same time, the clear determination to face everything that arises in you.

So it’s not about putting on rose-colored glasses, it is about dealing with what life brings.
Without resistance to life because you imagined it differently.

Your own central theme arises from DOING, but at the same time often also from NOT DOING.

This is how Serenity arises and access to joy of life is cleared again.