Dealing with the inner critic

From self-criticism to self-friendship and self-compassion

How do we deal with ourselves? Many people deal with the questions “Who am I and what makes me?” as well as “What is my destiny?” and “What makes my life?” sooner or later – sometimes because they become “more awake”, sometimes because they are almost forced to do so by circumstances in their lives.

The first imprint

A (first) relationship is there, of course – but for almost all of us this is initially overly shaped by parents (yes, sometimes even grandparents), other caregivers, school, our first experiences (especially in the first six years of our lives) and numerous other influences.
All this shapes our programmes and patterns.

It is a kind of “first script” – like a first screenplay. For many people it stays that way – sometimes for years, sometimes for decades, sometimes forever.

Questions to life

At the same time, questions can arise: What is life? What should I wish for (often we ask ourselves this question only after a series of further stations in life)? How should I deal with myself and with life?

Depending on the circumstances, this can lead to downright depressive phases for many: I may not see any meaning in life, I am not really satisfied with the state of things and there are also – perhaps due to disappointments – no more goals in life. The personal goals are then simply limited to survival and the question arises whether that should be it?

It doesn’t have to be so drastic, but such phases are more common than one might think.

Growth opportunities

And now comes the surprise: These very phases represent a tremendous opportunity. How can that be when you’re in such a bad way?!

They are growth opportunities. And one of the biggest misconceptions is that the challenge is to fight it (better and better). It doesn’t really get better. Physical phenomena may be added to growing disappointments: It is hardly possible for me to let go and really relax. Worse, by making it harder and harder to endure, we start following distractions and evasion mechanisms. Whether it’s TV, internet, eating too much or even addictive phenomena of whatever kind, the inner motto is: ‘just get out of the pain or avoid the pain’!

Learning to trust is a difficult process – and the small consolation is that people have been dealing with these phenomena for thousands of years.

The saying of the Roman philosopher Seneca, who lived in the 1st century AD, is perhaps particularly apt:

“It’s not because it’s hard that we don’t dare, it’s because we don’t dare that it’s hard!”

So write your “second script” – write YOUR own script! Find YOUR own autonomous vocation and get rid of the patterns, programmes and scripts that are not yours but still influence you and may affect your life!